


Contemplating Death

by Spooky66



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s07e10 Sein Und Zeit, F/M, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:19:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spooky66/pseuds/Spooky66
Summary: Scully, Mulder, and Teena's thoughts during Sein Und Zeit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the X Files

Teena

_____________________________________________________

Scully's POV

When I heard the news I was angry. I was so angry that I had to take a few minutes before I found Mulder and told him. He needed me to be strong for him so I couldn't show the hatred that was simmering beneath the surface.

I thought of how Mulder and I were trying to conceive and how I painfully longed for a child and it led me to wonder how a mother could do this. How could a mother burn all of her pictures, take her life, and not even leave a note?  
He needed me to be ready and strong for him so I wanted to have all the information before I went to Mulder so if he had questions I would be ready.

I didn't know how he would handle it. Over the last few years he and his mother had grown apart and there was so much bitterness between them. She was, however, still his mother. They had never been close but all of Mulder's revelations about his mother pushed them apart even more.

At times I would pester him to call her. On holidays he would either be with my family or alone and I would beg him to call or at least send a card. Sometimes he would listen but most of the time he would rather sit alone than talk to his mother and open old wounds.

I rested my head against the door to Skinners office and dreaded being the barer of this news.

* * *

Mulder's POV

The scene was puzzling. None of it made sense to me. Why would my mom not have left a note? Why would she burn these pictures?

It was all so overwhelming and I grasped for an answer that would be easier to handle than suicide. She was obviously killed by the conspirators who'd covered up Samantha's disappearance. They killed her to send me a message, which meant I was close. I had a new mission: track these men down and avenge my mom.

I'd asked Scully to do the autopsy despite knowing the pain it would cause her. She was the only one I trusted and if this was a part of the conspiracy I needed her to do it.

She banned me from watching the autopsy so I sat in the dark at home waiting for her.

Scully entered my apartment and I knew by her face that it was not all a grand conspiracy. My mother had taken her own life and left me with nothing.

Hearing of her illness helped me to make more sense out of it but I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach that she didn't feel like she could tell me.  
I thought of all of the things left unsaid between us, all of the hateful words that we had thrown at each other and I wanted to destroy something.

I couldn't breathe as Scully took me into her arms. I held on to her like a drowning man because now she was truly all that I had left.

I kissed her that night selfishly. We didn't have sex but we got close. As I groped her and ground myself against her she just ran her hands through my hair and looked at me with sad loving eyes. The next day and was glad that I'd had the presence of mind to stop it before we went to far, before I went too far.  
  
I didn't want our first time together to be full of anger and sadness. I felt bad that I had kissed her and touched her so roughly when she deserved so much more. I'd felt that if I pulled her close enough to me with enough passion she would melt into me and I would never be alone. I knew without asking that she would have given me anything. She would have given herself completely if she thought that's what I needed and part of me hated her for it, and hated myself.

* * *

Teena's POV

I wondered if Fox would ever forgive me. On the phone he sounded distracted but hopeful. He thought he was going to find Samantha. I knew better, I knew that he would never find her.  
Fox's biological father had revealed the truth to me a few years before; she was dead. My little girl was dead and I let it happen.

I had wanted to kill myself when he told me but I held back because of my son. I also didn't want to give that man the satisfaction. I knew he held some sentimentality toward me but he could never truly love. His loved destroyed everything in it's path.

I had realized at some point that my love was the same. Fox resented me for my part in it Samantha's disappearance and I knew that he was right to. He hated that he was not his father's child and felt betrayed. When he wanted to talk about it I only reacted with anger because of the knowledge that he was right. I was defensive because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was partly to blame for the murder of my baby girl.

I watched the pictures and documents burn, I was burning all that was left of my life with my husband and children. I wanted to erase myself from Fox's life and from the face of the earth. This seemed the best way to do it. He would mourn but I knew the truth: Fox didn't need me. We rarely talked and I knew most times when we did it was at the urging of his partner.

I considered leaving a note but there was really nothing to say. I knew that they would find out about my illness and it would speak for itself. I contemplated writing something short telling him I loved him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted him to move on from my memory and live his own life, free from the despair that the past brought him.

I prayed for the first time in a very long time. I prayed that Fox would be happy, that he would find out the truth about Samantha, that he would find the love he needed and all of the answers that he was seeking. I mostly prayed that he would move on and let his memories of me fade into nothing.  
My last thoughts were of him and then I was gone.


End file.
